I ran the Bupa 10k in London on Monday. It was the second time I have taken part in the race but the first time I actually did any prior preparation. Having struggled to run the whole route last year, I set myself the goal of running the whole course and have, over the past few months, dragged myself out in the evenings to run at least a few miles.
And the training paid off. Although it doesn’t sound like a huge achievement, this year I ran the whole way without walking, and I’m proud of myself.
But I can’t help feeling that I’d be a lot more proud of myself if I had raised some money for a good cause while doing it.
I didn’t make a positive decision to not run for a charity. I didn’t run for anyone the year before either. My dad, who is a very keen runner, booked and paid for my places in both years, I think as a not-so-subtle attempt to get me exercising.
Last year I was so nervous before the race that I didn’t even notice how many people were wearing brightly coloured charity T-shirts and vests. This year, feeling a bit calmer, I noticed the thousands of people who unlike me were doing something good and unselfish. They weren’t just running to get fit; they were actually raising money for a charity.
During the race I felt guilty lapping up the encouragement of the people in different charity T-shirts who had gathered on the sidelines, desperate to applaud the people running for their, or any, good cause.
Seeing people run past me with the names of charities and the people they were running for on their backs made me feel ashamed. And it reminded me of the pride, and sadness, I had felt raising money by running the Cancer Research Race for Life a few years ago. I hadn’t even been able to run a whole 5k then, but I still felt a sense of satisfaction as I crossed the finish line.
And at the end of this 10k, although I was happy to finish, I felt disappointed in myself.
My brother’s girlfriend, who was running with me, put it perfectly before the start. She said that even if she didn’t make the time she wanted she’d still be proud, because she’d already raised £200 for Epilepsy Research.
I’ve already decided that next year, if I run, it will be for a good cause. Something that means something to me. So I can be proud of myself whatever my time.
Although it’s going to be faster, of course…